"None of us can change our yesterdays, but all of us can change our tomorrows."
~~~ Colin Powell

The Determining Factor...

when they invited me again to come and speak to "The New Haven School For Young Girls", I was very excited since 1) i love speaking to youth and 2)they actually liked what i had said last year! it was a whole new group of girls this time around so i was excited to be able to share my story again. they wanted me to share with them my experiences and my understanding that circumstances whether they are good or bad should not be the determining factor in how our lives turn out or with what we are able to achieve.
the theme of the night was to be "Loving Ourselves For Who We Are" because most of these girls have issues with self confidence and have been put in some pretty bad situations or are also dealing with some big personal trials.

i told my own "story" and made sure that i put an emphasis on not letting an issue/trial be the determining factor on what or who we become in life. i told them some of my parenting stories, some of my accomplishments since my accident, and about some of the therapeutic things that I love to do (ie. my blog!?! hehehe) i loved the questions that they had for me this year even more and i made sure they knew and felt that they could ask me anything. we had a lot of fun and i even got them laughing!
i hope that it is something that i am able to do with them every year and that they invite me back again since it's one of my true passions. helping anyone that i possibly can by talking about all of the awesome lessons that i have been able to experience and to learn!

thanks again ladies!
xxxx

‎"lemons into lemonade and pain into purpose"

thanks Oprah. i needed this today because words like this always help. and especially when my little family is dealing with the "medical issues" that we are. and yes it's hard but no i'm not pulling a pity party. it is what it is.....

"Often in life we forget the things we should remember and remember the things we should forget"...

‎"Real power is the power to create, the power to transform, the power to love, the power to heal, and the power to be free."

"Spankin' the Booty"

i have a million fun pictures to post and that many stories to go along with our trip to california but not the time this morning since kindra is going in for her knee surgery today. so sad for my little kin but i know that it's better to do it sooner than later.
buuuuuut i had to share this and give you all a great laugh until i'm able to share the experience in detail. enjoy and just laugh!!! and for the record...they told us to have fun and to be brave and so i did and NEVER would i take it back! such the experience and such the fun afternoon! :)

‎"Every time you meet a situation, though you think at the time it is an impossibility and you go through the torture of the damned, once you have met it and lived through it, you find that forever after you are freer than you were before."

~~~Eleanor Roosevelt

hehehehe---

and we're off....friday. jay leno
monday. the ellen show

i LOVE this kid...

...though i HATE his JAZZ alliance! lol ;)

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”

~~~Mark Victor Hansen

and yes. i am also asking....

Ahhhh. Another One Of My Winter Loves...

"Time is a paradox, stretching between a "past" and a "future" that have no reality except in our own minds. The idea of time is a convention of thought and language, a social agreement. Here is the deeper truth: We have only THIS moment."

~~~Dan Millman

"If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to KEEP MOVING FORWARD."

~~~Martin Luther King

Learning...

carter is continually surprising me and i am in complete denial that he is almost 10. i can also admit that i can be kind of a control freak. more in the way that through experience, i've learned that if i do it my way, then it gets done the way i like it, or the easy way, or then i don't have to deal with the fighting about it to get it done. and i know that raising my kids like this is only hurting them in the big picture but it can be so much calmer.
now i will say that carter is the best when it comes to "projects"! he is always looking out for me and is always wanting to help. he loves to clean and to do it all together. kindra "hates" him for it but we do have fun and i do get an opportunity to teach them. today was "how to pair and match up socks". i know. sad.
the other day carter had a doctor apt so he was with me alone in the afternoon before kindra came home from school. he was determined that he wanted to find a job to do. i was on the phone taking care of some stuff and mid conversation he came in and told me that he was going to unload the dishwasher. ok. easy enough. but when i finished up and went into the kitchen, i discovered that he had completely unloaded the dishes, loaded the dirty ones, started the dishwasher, wiped off the counter, and had put away the groceries.
yeah. i about DIED.
it amazes that he can't do "this", something so simple and yet he can do a job like this. i've never showed him how to do these things as a "chore". he has seen me do it or has helped with a bit of this or that but never all by himself.
yeah. i was floored and so proud and excited! what made me the happiest was to see how proud of himself that he was. things like this and seeing me so happy only help his self esteem.
let's just say that it was a great afternoon and one that we both learned something from...

(can i also admit that my head is about to blow up from the yelling/fighting that my two have done today!?! that dang wii some afternoons gets them so competitive and such poor sports! booooo! ok. just had to vent and keep it real....)

***i sure had a giggle when i read this on msn this morning. classic. i've been there, done that as far as dated this type of guy. thank goodness it didn't work out! lol and discovered the truth! enjoy!***

All sorts of guys make wonderful husbands. And then there are some who would be anything but. Ladies, I caution you not to marry these types of men …

The Guy Who Broke Your Heart and Never Really Apologized

Just because he sees love and marriage in your future doesn't mean he's sorry for hurting you that one time (or two or three times). Though everyone screws up, being able to admit when you're wrong — and being with someone who can do the same — is crucial to a happy marriage. For my fellow "Friends" lovers: Ross and Rachel may have wound up together, but you can be sure the "We were on a break!" conversation still haunts them.

The Cheater

I don't necessarily believe in "Once a cheater, always a cheater," but I have a hard time believing you'll be happy if you marry a repeat offender — especially if you were the cheated-on. Admit it: A small part of you would never be able to trust him. What kind of marriage is that?

The Me-First Man

A big part of love and marriage is being able to put yourself second sometimes. Guys who are too occupied with themselves to do the occasional (and preferably, frequent!) nice thing for you don't make solid partners.

The Con Artist

You may have swooned when he swindled his evil boss and made some quick cash. No matter how much the jerky superior deserved it, your guy just showed he can't be trusted. Even if he'd never do the same to you, con-men are shady characters, and you never know when you might wind up in hot water for his actions.

The Can't Handle Tough Times Guy

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but love and marriage aren't always easy — there's a reason you have to promise to stay together for better or worse. A man who shuts down when the going gets tough won't be there when you need him most. Trust me: You don't want a husband you can't count on.

hAPpy BIrThdAy To My Little BFF!!!

we told her that her birthday could begin with a sleepover in our room. haha! so here she is with her pillowpet, blankie, horse sleeping bag, poses, and all....


i can't remember when my little girl grew up but she did. in exactly 5 minutes "my baby" will be 8 yrs old. not only does this date bring back many memories of her miraculous birth but it also brings back very vivid memories of the hell that "our family" was going through.
my life was completely out of control and things were happening that were unable to take back or to undo. i had no understanding or reason for why my life had turned out this way. but no matter what, i knew that i, that we, were all going to be ok. i trusted in the bigger picture and knew that i'd never be given anything that i wouldn't be able to handle. miracles were happening all around me and looking back i can see every one.
kindra was my miracle baby. my miracle who blesses my life every day. who surprises me with what comes out of her mouth. her imagination floors me and her innocence humbles me.
i love you kindra and i hope that you have the best birthday ever!!!
and like always, YOU'VE GOT TO READ HERE FOR THE WHOLE STORY......

xoxo

something to think about...

and i love THIS so please go and check it out. i think that it gives some great advice when we're thinking about our "new year goals" :)

Yep. He's Mine and I'm So LUCKY To Have Him...

i always knew that no matter what that trevor was my best friend and i knew that our future could begin again with that alone. but boy oh boy have i been surprised, shocked, and pretty much blown away. he is more than i ever could have imagined.

back on 10/20/2000 it was a whole different story. i was the organized on top off things control freak who planned everything from my proposal to our honeymoon. it all had to be perfect and i had to have it my way. wow. have i sure changed!

i am sure that i have regressed in maturity or in certain responsibilities. now i'm more the go with the flow parent who is very flighty and scatterbrained and i live one day and adventure at a time. he is more the organized and planning parent. i can say that i'm thankful for our time "apart" because trevor has grown into a man, a father, a husband, and a true care and love giver. i swear i'm amazed daily at the things that come out of his mouth. i've even had to ask him "are you kidding right now or being serious?!" and it's always that he's serious when it comes to his emotions. he even loves to come home and cook? what? huh? even after a long day at work. ok. i mean oh heck yeah woot woot woot no cookin for me tonight!!! what did i do to deserve this!? but no complaining. i'm fully taking this all that i can! (and yes. i still do my own cooking part)

he surprised me yesterday for some alone time and stayed home from work. we decided to go see the movie "the fighter". i had just had a "come to jesus" meeting about my training and about my weight and the reality was setting in, the panic, and the fears of what i could become. was i being irrational? yes. very yes. but still i needed to vent. and what did trevor say?

"i wish that you could understand what i see when i look at you through my eyes. how hot and beautiful that i think that you are. that's all that matters. what you think and what i think. do what you need to do to make you happy but know that i'm already happier than i ever thought i would be. i love you and i'm very, very, very much in love."

and that's when i asked "are you serious or just telling me what you think i need to hear?" and he replied "no babe. i'm dead serious." and you know what? i believe him. and yes. my jaw did drop at that one. never in a million years would i have thought that he would be all lovey dovey to that extent. he is, was more the tough guy but not anymore.

he's an awesome dad too! he loves his kids very much and again i'm amazed at the patience that he has with them. at the end of the night, it's my alone time and it's his dad time. he has so much fun with them which makes me feel like i'm missing out so i beg to be included to (oh that dang wii!)

as odd as this sounds, i think that we needed these past 3 yrs of dating other people, of being divorced, of living our own lives, of growing and learning, and of maturing to be ready for now.

anyway, believe me, we've had our big ups and downs and our spats but now we know how to communicate and to work it out. we listen to each other. we've both lowered our pride, simmered down on my control freakness, and he's turned off his shut down mode. it actually makes me feel like a better person, "wife", and a better mom.

and for the record i'm still letting him keep the control when it comes to planning our future timing but YES i am getting antsy and YES i keep throwing out the hints and YES i want to elope somewhere cool so we'll see what he comes up with!? hehehe (he's kind of screwed! it better be good otherwise i'll be sorely disappointed. jk?)

from the bottom of my heart i'm excited for what 2011 will bring and for what will be in our future!

xo
i love you trevor james....

happy 1-11-11!!!

this classic was always one that we watched and talked about at our house growing up. thanks dad!

"i was under this belief system that you have to have a lover in order to have love in your life. and i realized that i'm the love of my life. that was my biggest lesson."

~~~jenny mccarthy about her breakup with jim carrey 2010

and i couldn't agree more with what i've learned over the past 3 years. no one completes you. only you complete you. and when you're personally at that point, then you'll be ready.

xo

just for "the girls club"...

LAUGH WITH US AT THIS great memory...
...and we're all still going strong! ps. note to self. go back to blonde and go back to having a tan ;)

"it is said that one should not linger at a crossroads for the spirits that surround them are ones that are restless and turbulent. decide and move on as fast as you can for it can only cause trouble to linger..."

~~~lark rise to candelford

Remind Me---How Many Attempts Do I Get???

i woke up late and was already exhausted saturday morning but i needed to go up skiing. it had been far too long. i was also hoping that once i got up to the top of the mtn, that the "crap" we had been breathing for the past week would have cleared out but unfortunately...no. i could see the sun trying to come out but the clouds would quickly take over.
we headed over to wilberre for our first run and i did ok. i was tired, the snow was a bit icy, and i was not trusting the ski enough. i was trying to rely too much on my hips to make my turns. "big mistake. big"! let's just say that it was definitely a learning day and that i had another first. my first double endo wreck. man. it was painful. i even got the "concussion check" question to make sure that i was ok.
i will say that it is frustrating when my brain tells certain muscles to move and they don't because they are already exhausted. that kept happening and making my mental game not one. the ski even popped out of the binding. that NEVER happens because the ski is set at a 20 which is a pretty high setting. anyway, it was brutal and it was picture worthy.
and yes. back to the basics i had to go. back to "what i learned in kindergarten" and back to the simple lessons of skiing. that's got to be my thinking next time cause like i've always said "it's all mental...it's all mental!" but still way pissed at myself and yes. i can be too hard on myself so i had to just relax to get that mental crap out of my head. grrrrrr......
on the cat track after my "avalanche". notice the hair, helmet off, and goggles a mess. yeah ;)

i make sure that i write down the days that i have like this that can be so bad. so bad, that all i can do is laugh out loud. the day only got better after the skiing. i had to return a whole boat load of christmas purchases to walmart that i had made for the kids. i do that every year. i over buy just in case the presents are not "equal" and then i become the queen of returns.
anyway, so to walmart i went, not realizing how tired that i really was. mid transaction, the power goes off. yeah. i just assumed that a generator would kick in but nope. instead they had to hurry and get everyone out of the store. yeah. of walmart of all places.
i laughed all of the way out to the car. opened the car door, reached up to my grab bar, lifted my body up, and into my car...but the "into" part did not happen. i went back down to my chair and i got ready for attempt #2. again the same results. attempt #3. again the same results. at this point i had realized how tired and "jello" that my arms really were and i'm beginning to freak out in my head. the problem was that when i'm supposed to swivel my butt in the car, those muscles were shot from my using them while skiing. i looked around wondering how many people had just seen my three pathetic attempts. i thought that i was all good and that everyone was more worried about where to go and shop. right then i made eye contact with this cute high school boy. he began to walk my way.
"oh shiz" i whisper to myself.
i'm dying.
"can i help you at all?" he said.
i smile noticing the stench that is coming from my body.
"yes. do you mind? when i lift up, can you just push my butt over so that it won't slip off of the seat?"
yes. i had just asked this random boy to push on my butt. and yes. i've lost all pride at this point.
"yeah. that's easy." he said.
so he did as i had asked and in the car i was.
i'm dead now of both embarrassment and exhaustion.
and off went the cute high school boy as i mutter excuses why i had needed his help.
i took my chair apart and got it put in the passenger side of the car.
i shut the door only to realize that i was huffing and puffing.
this is when i know that i've hit rock bottom when it comes to my fatigue.
wow.
WOW.
this is also when that i wish that i had a camera man that just followed me around. filming a day in the life of living in a wheelchair. for both the knowledge and for the comedy.
but more for the comedy.

really. i don't and can't make this shiz up!?! i just happens to me when i least expect it and at the most random times. i know. it's pure comedy. lol right.....
;)

Our First Day of 2011...

ok but notice where it is that i am not. yeah. not outside. i sat my ace in the front seat of the truck and took pictures the entire time. i was not about to go outside and just sit there and freeze. a few years ago? yes. and even got down the hill? maybe. but this year not so much. i don't need to try to show what i can or can not do anymore. if those who i care about have not seen it yet then oh well. they lose. hehehe but i will admit that it was a perfect way to start out they year. 2011 bring it on!!!