when we are headed towards an outcome that is too terrible to face,

that's when we go looking for a second opinion.

and sometimes the answer we get just confirms our worst fears

but sometimes it can shed new light on the problem.

make you see it in a whole new way.

after all of the opinions have been heard and every point of view has been considered,

you finally find what you were after.

the truth.

but the truth isn't where it ends.

that's just where you begin again with a whole new set of questions.....

"Some Of Us Are Meant To Be Alone...."

Before I start into the relationship saga, I want you to watch THIS first....

Sawyer and I have always had a connection, LOL, but it was not until last night that I fully understood how in common we really are.

Since my divorce, I've seriously dated and have been engaged. I've come to know and accept the type of man I want to marry.

Once upon a time, I fell in love with a lie. What sucks is that this lie represented a man, the type of man, I want to be with. So when I am first with a guy, there are a set of "tests" that I put him through to see how he will react. The problem is that they never fully do pass them. Hmmmm? Sometimes they pass some of them but not all of them. Hmmmm? Sometimes I think I can get over certain things and just force it to work. But I can't. It's inevitable.....

So I have an internal battle going on. How can I even compare these guys against a lie? But the lie had shown me the type of man I think I deserve? See? How fair is this? Not really fair at all but I can not make myself believe that these certain traits are ones that I want to live without? Make sense? I come close to giving in but that's not how love should be. Just finally giving in?!?

Yeah. It sucks. What to do?!? I don't know but it the meantime I'll just join up with Sawyer.....

"Some of us are meant to be alone....."

kt + js

Our Days Of "Sluffin"...

Kindra LOVES to hear her name being said on the intercom as the secretary informs her teacher that "Kindra is being checked out". I think that it's mostly because then she gets all of the attention from the boys who want to "escape" too! One little boy, Landon, even said "I'll marry you if you take me with you!" LOL Way too funny but I remember having those same exact feelings. The hope that it would be my name called and the wish that I could "escape" back to my home!

We did a BFF "Girls Only" ski afternoon and once again had way too much fun! Thank goodness that I am done with school and no wonder I always wanted to sluff. Oh. Wait. I did!?! :)

This week Carter finally wanted to come. We go up in the afternoons, which is also the time that Carter has PE/Gym and he NEVER wants to miss it. I know I shouldn't complain because it could be the other way around but still. Come on? Skiing or school?!?

My FAVORITE picture of them together!!! That day I got the best compliment EVER from Laura, who is the ski instructor.

"Your kids are great together and have so much fun with each others accomplishments. They laugh together and are both so worried and concerned about the other one. We see so many brother/sister pairs who can not stand each other but not with your two. They seem like they are the best of friends! It is so rewarding to see them learning and having fun with skiing together!"

That really hit home since when you get to be my age, you fully understand how important your family really is and of how much you need them and depend on them. I am so happy in the importance that my parents placed on family love and unity. I hope that my kids will always be the best of friends because when times get tough, they will be the ones who really understand and "get" each other...the same way that I am with my siblings.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Sawyer's Nicknames Seasons 1-5

LOL both with THIS one

and even more with THIS one!!!

I just couldn't resist........

Just In Case You're A Little "LOST"

Once upon a time, when "LOST" first came out, I was an un-believer. I was not going to waste my time watching a show about some survivors of an airplane crash who landed on a secret island. Why would I want to watch a show about something that would SO NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE. I avoided it like the plague. (go figure that was my thinking since I was obsessed with "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel". yeah. that happens in real life?!?)

3 Seasons and a convincing boyfriend later, I finally gave in and bought the seasons. Holy crap! Wow! What the?!? Oh my!!! I had found my new addiction, obsession, and loves...Sawyer & Jack! LOL but really I was SOLD!

Fast forward to last night and the excitement was very much still there. My mind was racing with ideas and explanations, but more importantly, with answered questions plus a whole load of new ones to entertain me with!

I still had hope for Juliette's comeback and shed tears once again at her departure.

"It worked......"

The chills came instantly and the impact hit home and hard when bad-black smoke-Locke had shared his thoughts about good-Locke.

"Do you want to know what he was thinking while you choked the life out of him, Benjamin, what the last thought that ran through his head was? 'I don't understand!' Isn't that just the saddest thing you ever heard? But it's fitting in a way. Because when John first came to the Island, he was a very sad man. A victim shouting at the world for being told what he couldn't do, even though they were right. He was weak and pathetic and irreparably broken. But despite all that, there was something admirable about him. He was the only one of them who didn't want to leave, the only one who realized how pitiful the life he left behind actually was."

And what a profound conversation that was between Jack and Locke!?!

"My condition is irreversible." Locke
"Nothing is irreversible." Jack

I could go on and on and on and..... Well, you get the point. I have been interested on what others have thought and have found some great reviews so have fun reading up and ENJOY!!!

Fans Get "Lost"

Confused???

The "Lost" season premiere? SMOKIN'!!!

"Lost", LAX---Multi-tasking

"Lost" Recap

The Beginning of the END

So I can hardly wait until tonight. We've got our "LOST" premiere party all planned and we will have so much fun both watching and analyzing. NERD ALERT again I know but I don't care.

Can I admit though, that there is a part of me that is sad that this event has finally arrived and that soon the "LOST" questions and curiosities will all be OVER. I am serious.

The last time that I felt this much excitement for a show/movie was for "The Lord of the Rings". Our family, like usual, were die hard freaks! Daily harassing phone calls for ticket release dates, sleeping outside in lines to be the first ones in, and the midnight movies were a MUST and the BEST.

I know that this picture is a few years old but you can see what the framed masterpiece is. Yes. You guessed it. It is a very expensive frame which is showing off the $20 poster of MIDDLE EARTH (the land of The Lord of the Rings) I told you. DIE HARD FANS

The point that I'm getting to is that I had so much fun with all of the hype, the excitement, the guessing, the fantasizing, the dreaming, the analyzing, the EVERYTHING that we did with this, that when it ended, I was sad and lonely for the "plan of attack". When I want something, I plan it out and then go and get'er done. I know. I have way too much time on my hands. Either that or I am absolutely pathetic. LOL!!!

But lets be honest. I will never stop finding things to desire, to love, to plan out, and then to achieve. hehehe It's just waaaay too much fun and especially when I can pull out some of my old school "trickery" ways!?! I wonder what will be next???

So to those of you who will also be watching....ENJOY!!! To those of you who won't be...SORRY but you've missed out on the fun. :)

T MINUS 6.5 HRS

The Abilities Within My Disability...

Winston Churchill once said "it was a flash of color on the hard road we have to travel". I've had many flashes of color on my hard road but none have excited me quite like this one has.

Remember when I was able to participate with this? Well this is where and how it all began.

Professor Keith Barney, who teaches at BYU, invited me to go with him to speak to the "Utah Association of Rehabilitation Nurses which gives support and education to rehab nurses across Utah. I was so excited, to share my message of help and hope, as well as to get my name and face out to additional nurses from all over Utah. Then they will know who to call when they have a patient who needs to talk to someone who really knows what life and the future will be like.

The meeting went great, having Keith and I each share our very different situations and experiences. I also learned so much from what he shared. He brought out some very valid points and shared some personal information about topics that male spinal cord injury patients must deal with. Topics that I myself have often wondered about, though have not known who to ask or who to talk with them about.

After the presentation was over, I got chatting and answered additional questions about my own "story". I have never felt shy about telling my experiences. I felt like I could really be honest and deep about my rehab experiences even though it had been negative and at the infamous IHC, where this association was primarily based. These ladies were awesome, listening and learning from what I was saying.

We finally ended our convo and I happily headed home knowing that I had just helped someone out whether it was a nurse or a current/future patient. I literally was overjoyed as chee-zee as that sounds. Like I said...it was a good night.

The next morning I got an even better surprise! A woman by the name of Pam Farrell called me with a proposal. They wanted me to start writing a column in their newsletter that goes out to ALL the rehab nurses. ALL of them. Not just the ones I had met with the previous night. Oh my!!!! I was DYING with excitement. But it got even better. She was also writing the rehab section of their new nurses manual and wanted me to be their case study. Are you kidding me?!?! Was this really happening? Yep!!! I was FREAKING OUT with EXCITEMENT!!! Now I KNEW that I would be helping so many patients and care-givers in Utah...and nationally since she also told me that this newsletter goes out of state. I know. I know. How awesome is this?!?

So yes. I have been putting all of my ideas and experiences together and making sure that I don't forget anything so wish me luck!

And remember. It's all timing. There's a season for everything. Don't ever stop learning because you never know when it's going to come in handy. Most importantly. Being in the right place at the right time is everything and when you're doing what you internally and personally believe to be correct, good things will happen and you'll know that those are the things that should be happening because you deserve them. Make sense? I hope so because this was such an answer to what I've been questioning for awhile.

"Be patient and enduring because good will come soon and probably, most likely when you least expect it."

How Was My Weekend Away You Ask???

Well lets just say that there's nothing better than finding a steal of a deal on a pair of these and a weekend watching a few movies like "The Holiday" which I absolutely LOVED, by the way!! The humor of Jack Black and the hotness of Jude Law could do AAAANYone good :)