Carter on the first day of summer school 6-10-08
This is my Carter and though I have introduced him many times, I have never really discussed our daily obstacle. We have our good days and our bad days. When he is good, he is very,very good but when he is bad, he is very, very, very, very (is that enough very's?) bad.I first noticed and admitted the problem a few months after my accident. He was distant, behind, quiet, and seemed to almost be in shock. I was sure that it was my fault and that I had caused this because he had been shuffled around to different relatives and friends in the aftermath!
We took him in to have some tests run and the diagnosis that we got back was a little confusing though we knew exactly what it was not. He was not autistic. He did not have asperger's. He was not ADD. He was not -----. What he was diagnosed with is called "A Child With Special Needs" (nice detailed name, huh?) which means that he has a combination of all of the different syndromes and disabilities. The characteristics can appear and disappear at any given time depending on the individual child so it can be a life of "the unknown".
"Ok so what do we do now and how can be treated?" was the obvious question that I asked and the answer that I got back was difficult to take in. "Because it depends on the child, we really do not know what will work or how to really treat it."
Being as naive as I was, I accepted the response and went on to getting the information on the programs that were available. Kids on the Move...Early intervention pre-school...Small group class Kindergarten...that's as far as I went.
Even though our school district has its problems, Carter has been lucky to have some really great teachers who have helped him tremendously! I have not really felt like I have had to be too worried until this last year but I think that my being home has also attributed to that.
It's hard because Carter is right in the middle...he can't be alone in a regular class but his intelligence is better than most in his class. He misses out on a lot because of it especially with his social skills. I am also partly to blame because I don't enforce us hanging out with friends who also have kids because I am worried about what will happen...only because unfortunate things have. At times of excitement, instead of reacting the proper way, he can hit or pinch. There are moments of random yelling. In fact, there can be random events of all sorts. It just does not compute right. It sounds worse than it actually is but it does happen...but then there are the moments when it does not happen. You see...it can be "the unknown".
I know that my friends will understand but at times it can be a hard reality to face. I have seen one too many looks from other ignorant parents who think that it's simply a discipline issue. At first glance, you would not think that Carter is a child who has a disability. He does not fit the typical "look".
I spoke with a woman today who talked about some difficult issue's that she had gone through as a child and how for the longest time, she had shut them up so that she would not have to deal with them. It was once she was forced to deal with them that she really got over them.
I will admit that I have gone through those feelings as well. It is sometimes hard to have the child that is not "normal" or who is not doing this/that or who has this issue or ....bla bla bla. I am not complaining but I will not deny that it is hard! I joke about it being "groundhog day", though it can be but then again, we have our days of smooth sailing. I will say and agree that it does, for a moment, give me a sense of freedom to be able to talk about it!
The 3 of us are together in this life for one reason or another. I do my best and hope that it's enough. I know that we can handle it and that we WILL handle it. There are things to learn from everything we go through.
"It's not our job to understand...it's just our job to do" is something that I tell myself, remind myself all of the time.
See...now that wasn't so hard now was it?!? Thanks for letting me get it out.....
So here we are. Another summer of school. He actually enjoys it! It helps keep him on track and to keep him consistent so I welcome it with open arms, as I like to say...
I love you bubby, my oogly-boogly, my Carter!
....again, thanks.
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