want to know what makes me so happy? something that i realized today...

i have endured another year since my car accident and did not even remember the "anniversary". in fact, i don't even remember when the exact "anniversary" is and that makes me so happy! it really does!

can you believe it's been 8 years because i can't.

wow. i wonder what life will be like for the next 8?

hmmmm....?

:)

xoxoxo

please....GO CHECK THIS OUT and spend the best $1 EVER!

The Adventures Of My Own "Ferb"...

His idea of what a diving board/pool combo should look like. and yes. this ladder has many uses...
Some more of his hard and determined fun....?!? fun???

His creation of the "new" Tetrus board...lol
I may be biased, but I have to say that this is pretty creative. I always wonder how his mind works and what it is that has him come up with these ideas? He loves doing these things so that's all that matters, right?
and did i tell you or did i tell you that they would use these pieces of wood over and over!?! don't worry. there's a new one outside that i'll post later! hahaha
remember this BLOCK??? yeah well that one marks where the door is to kindra's horse barn. yep. that's right. her horse barn.

Team T-Ball....

kindra was given the job of "photographer". oh just wait.....

posing for a quick pic...lol :)

Oh My Lanta......

while the kids are outside and actually staying outside and not fighting, i'll write some of what's been going through my mind lately...

for the past month, the nerve pain in my lower back and legs has been so bad beyond bad. i can't even explain or express to you how bad the pain can be. it has got to the point, that it actually affects what activities i do, or don't do. it makes me miserable and on edge a lot of the time and has created an alter ego of someone i'm not. i hate it! HATE IT!

the worst part is that there is no reason for the pain to have increased and the only thing that they prescribe are pain meds which don't even take away the nerve pain! it just makes you live in an unrealistic world. i try so hard to be positive but sometimes i've just had it and am done.

i know someone who told me that the greatest day of his life was the day that he had the surgery done in which they completely sever your spinal cord. that way the "messed up" signals are not able to get through and create the "phantom" pain. i mean it does make sense. why should i not be able to have motion but have enough sensation that causes pain? i am seriously thinking about doing this. i can't imagine living with this pain for however many more years and i'm not going to pretend that i am invincible. i am human and i have to live a life that will produce the best results.

when i talked to trevor about this and needed some advice, he worried that it might make me feel like i've given up hope of ever walking again. good point but no, not at all but until then, if when, i have to live a happy life. and not saying that i am a depresso all of the time or anything but i can't let something that can be fixed, control my life. and i will admit that i know that my life could be much, much worse. i know....

not too mention that today my head is killing me from all of the questions, cartoons, arguments, crying, and everything else that comes with being a sick mom! wow! it's been a doozy of a monday...can you tell???

anyway, i never said that this blog wouldn't be a downer soooo. and i have to write both the good and the bad or it wouldn't be real, right? but thanks. thanks for letting me vent a bit!

xoxo

My Son...

We have a sleep routine at our house. Kind of like a "groundhog day".

~Carter and Kindra fall asleep
~Mom goes to bed late
~Carter wakes up early and goes in to also wake Kindra who then screams "Mooooom! I'm tired! Carter's bugging me!"
~I talk Carter into going back into his room and playing for just a little bit longer and then we'll watch a "Phineas and Ferb".

This happens like clock work. Without a doubt. But this week, twice, Carter did not wake me up. He crept out quickly and quietly to check something out. I got up and noticed that he was not in his room....and the back door was wide open so I looked out and this is what I found.

The first day he heard the landscapers putting in a sprinkler system in the new home that is behind us. He got a cushion off one of the lawn chairs and took it out to the sandbox to use as his chair and just watched them work.

The second day he heard our neighbor, an older man who also likes to get up early, mowing his lawn. I love how Carter just peeked and spied through the fence watching him, so intrigued, taking it all in.


These are the things that I love the most about this boy. When he is so innocent, kind, loving, calm, intrigued, and soft. I know that no matter how hard he can be, that deep down, this is who he really is. That he really wants to do the right thing and have the love and acceptance of his parents.

We were at a performance in which a lady was singing. As soon as she began, he leaned over and said "Oh Mom. Listen to her beautiful voice." I loved it. I love when he is so honest like that. I love that he is learning to appreciate and recognize the beauty that is in this world. I want him to feel educated and knowledgeable, no matter on what level that may be. I want him to feel confident and secure with who he is. I will never let his learning disorder control him or determine what he is to become. I want him to know that I will love him. Unconditionally, no matter what.

I'm going to miss the summer routines that we've gotten use to. I'm going to miss the little adventures that Carter puts me through when school starts, his imagination and the fun!

I love you Carter James!
xoxo