Yep. He's Mine and I'm So LUCKY To Have Him...

i always knew that no matter what that trevor was my best friend and i knew that our future could begin again with that alone. but boy oh boy have i been surprised, shocked, and pretty much blown away. he is more than i ever could have imagined.

back on 10/20/2000 it was a whole different story. i was the organized on top off things control freak who planned everything from my proposal to our honeymoon. it all had to be perfect and i had to have it my way. wow. have i sure changed!

i am sure that i have regressed in maturity or in certain responsibilities. now i'm more the go with the flow parent who is very flighty and scatterbrained and i live one day and adventure at a time. he is more the organized and planning parent. i can say that i'm thankful for our time "apart" because trevor has grown into a man, a father, a husband, and a true care and love giver. i swear i'm amazed daily at the things that come out of his mouth. i've even had to ask him "are you kidding right now or being serious?!" and it's always that he's serious when it comes to his emotions. he even loves to come home and cook? what? huh? even after a long day at work. ok. i mean oh heck yeah woot woot woot no cookin for me tonight!!! what did i do to deserve this!? but no complaining. i'm fully taking this all that i can! (and yes. i still do my own cooking part)

he surprised me yesterday for some alone time and stayed home from work. we decided to go see the movie "the fighter". i had just had a "come to jesus" meeting about my training and about my weight and the reality was setting in, the panic, and the fears of what i could become. was i being irrational? yes. very yes. but still i needed to vent. and what did trevor say?

"i wish that you could understand what i see when i look at you through my eyes. how hot and beautiful that i think that you are. that's all that matters. what you think and what i think. do what you need to do to make you happy but know that i'm already happier than i ever thought i would be. i love you and i'm very, very, very much in love."

and that's when i asked "are you serious or just telling me what you think i need to hear?" and he replied "no babe. i'm dead serious." and you know what? i believe him. and yes. my jaw did drop at that one. never in a million years would i have thought that he would be all lovey dovey to that extent. he is, was more the tough guy but not anymore.

he's an awesome dad too! he loves his kids very much and again i'm amazed at the patience that he has with them. at the end of the night, it's my alone time and it's his dad time. he has so much fun with them which makes me feel like i'm missing out so i beg to be included to (oh that dang wii!)

as odd as this sounds, i think that we needed these past 3 yrs of dating other people, of being divorced, of living our own lives, of growing and learning, and of maturing to be ready for now.

anyway, believe me, we've had our big ups and downs and our spats but now we know how to communicate and to work it out. we listen to each other. we've both lowered our pride, simmered down on my control freakness, and he's turned off his shut down mode. it actually makes me feel like a better person, "wife", and a better mom.

and for the record i'm still letting him keep the control when it comes to planning our future timing but YES i am getting antsy and YES i keep throwing out the hints and YES i want to elope somewhere cool so we'll see what he comes up with!? hehehe (he's kind of screwed! it better be good otherwise i'll be sorely disappointed. jk?)

from the bottom of my heart i'm excited for what 2011 will bring and for what will be in our future!

xo
i love you trevor james....