This is more for me than for anyone else to read and it helps me to get it out of my head. I read a friend's blog whose post inspired me. She is really good about being honest with her feelings, both those that are good and bad and though I feel like my blog is also honest, I don't always express the bad thoughts that are going through my head.
My family has had it fair share of weddings this month and though I am so EXCITED for them, deep down I despise their joy, their futures, their twitterpated-ness. Evil I know! (of course you know this is because I am so sickly jealous and desire this happiness in my life)
It's only because I look at them and wish that I was there....and because you know that I THOUGHT that I was going to soon be there but we will not discuss he who will not be named or that horrific event (though the plot has thickened and I PROMISE...I KNOW NOW, BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT, BECAUSE OF THINGS THAT I'VE JUST DISCOVERED, THAT "THAT GUY" IS NOT WHO I WANT TO BE WITH, EVEN IF I COULD!!! and I will leave it at that...)
The sadness is not that fact that it's not going to be with he who will not be named, but the fact that it's not ME and I don't know what I'm doing right or wrong anymore. It seems so draining to get to that point with someone new. It just gets harder and harder! I mean, I'm OK but who does not want to grow old with someone? Exactly....
I am learning that it's 100% a choice for me to decide how I am going to react. I am sad, my heart is hurt, but will it all work out in some random way? Maybe. Maybe not. The point is that I'm really ok with who I am and with what I am doing in my life. My kids. My adventures. I'm having fun and I constantly remind myself of the joys that ARE in my life, not the ones that AREN'T.
I AM so happy for my sis and bro. I've had this conversation with them too so it's nothing that they have not heard. I told them that's why I going to move away to some remote area, to grow old and bitter with just my kids at my side. TOTAL JK but still ... way too funny when you think about me being that old and crass bitter bee-otch :)
NEVER....HELL NO!
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7 comments:
amen to that girlfriend! your true love will find you, all in due time! like they say, 'great things come to those who wait'. enjoy the time to look, like kindra said, you only get two chances so he better be IT!:) you are so amazing and truthful and honest to everyone and yourself, it will all work out in one way or another! until then, long live endless GNOs!
ok, i just read below about your un-anniversary and have to say you look absolutely beautiful! and you do have keira knightly's body, i would die for that! so fun to look back on memories, seriously you look amazing!
You are totally justified to feel bitter, etc.... Who wouldn't with the crap you've gone through lately. But on the other side...there are probably others (including myself) that are envious of certain aspects of your life as well. Like the fact that you are such a go-getter - that you are the best mom EVER - that you hold your head up high and try to be positive when you have reasons to not be - that you are adventurous and dont let anything get in your way. Everyone has there own time and place and you will too...it is always when you arent looking too. I can understand your pain though and i am sorry. You are a wonderful person though and always remember that.
btw- i need to come see all your halloween stuff sometime!
love ya...
katie to be honestly with you, your not the only one that feels the way you do. I think alot of single people do. So i have to say i am in the same boat with ya.. (at least you have the kids!)
whenever grae {the middle one} gets upset and yells and says exactly what's on her mind...i say nothing.
because i think it's important to get the words out of your body, you know?
and always, she comes back to me in five or ten minutes and says the same thing. had to get those words out of my body.
this is super healthy. which means not so much coming from a sickly me. xoxo.
I totally agree with "mistieleigh".
You are such a great person and have so much to offer Katie. I know it's just one of those times in your life that may not be the best or the way you want it "relationship" wise, but you have so much going for you that is good and you are such an example! (I know you are probably sticking your tongue out right now right?) :) Well, too bad because it's true.
You have a great network of support from family and friends too. YOUR TIME WILL COME KATIE!!! And when it does I hope that my life permits me to be able to go wherever you are and celebrate with you in true Katie style....fun and crazy!!!
Ah, sometimes you just have to say it. And feel it. Have you looked into getting some cats? ;) (I hate those emoticons, but I have to let you know I am joking.)
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