"Oh My Hell!!"

I took the afternoon off today to spend some quality time with my kids for a "family field trip". Carter was very surprised when I showed up to check him out which helped confirm my greatest fear...that I am slacking when it comes to my parenting skills. Not that my kids and I have some horrible relationship but I miss them and I miss being there for them 24/7. I miss doing Kindra's hair in the morning and I miss helping out with Carter's field trips and I miss all of the things that I am missing out on. I want to be the stay at home mom who has the part time job that she has fun doing. I am blessed with my current career but I don't love it anymore. I am realizing that there are more important things than the money, and the shopping, and the house, and the car, and the lazy lifestyle that I have gotten used to.

Now is this because we always want what we can't have? It's a good possibility. This desire could last for 1 week once I see that I am too used to my independence, used to my parenting job as being the part time job. I sure hope not because as lacking as I am...they are my life and they will be mine forever.

So the question becomes to stay or not to stay? I have always had the fear and insecurity of making decisions that I will soon one day regret. I have made some decisions in this past year that have come back to haunt me. Did I learn something along the way? Yes... but was it something that I wish I could take back? Yes.... So here I am testing out the water of being a full time mom/dad, learning how to be on a budget, learning how to cook and eat in, learning how to undo all of my bad and lazy actions. "Oh my hell" comes to mind, "what am I going to do" and "can I really give it all up"?

I bundled up the kids so that they could take advantage of the warm weather and play outside and my ADD kicked in and so I decided to do something. I grabbed the extension cord and the leaf blower and plugged it in. I forgot to add that the extension cord was as tangled as could possibly be. That was the first "oh my hell". Forget it...I am not going to even try to untangle it! Just picture this...I need my hands to maneuver and I need my hands to hold and maneuver the leaf blower so I am inching my way forward as I am wheeling over the cord and it is getting caught in my wheels. Pure comedy now but definitely not at the time! There came the second "oh my hell". But my ever so determination and self pride kicked in and I continued. I made it almost to the end of the driveway when I was pulled back with a halt. I looked back and there was the tangled cord sitting in a ball un-allowing me to move forward. Third "oh my hell". I am pissed by now but will I give up? Nope! I began to untangle and finally freed it to allow me to blow where ever I wanted to go. I did it!!!

My friend came over and asked "How did you do that?". "We are amazed at what you do"! That's all that I needed to hear to make it all worth it! It reinforced that when I am determined...when I am motivated...when I will not give up...I can do it!

This stupid event is what I needed to see to help me, to give me hope, to remind myself that I am a fighter and that I am not weak even though I forget this sometimes, alot of times. I have gone through way worse than a stupid career decision! I will make the correct decision for my family whether it be to move on or to stay on :) but sometimes we need to go through something so minuscule to reveal to us the bigger picture!

"Oh my hell"... I can do whatever I want! :)

PS I love the lawn care brand of TORO. It was dropped and thrown so many times that I thought that it would be in the trash by the end of the night. It was a trooper though and like a champ endured to the end!

PSS My new guilty pleasure is that I love the show....Grey's Anatomy and fine, ok as well as the show The Bachelor! :) It's the hopeless romantic in me I guess!