so i must say. it's been a good week. a great week, really. i'm always so surprised at some of the things that happen or at least at the random times that they do. and lately at the times when i don't feel "i'm doing what i should be doing" or "not doing certain aspects of my life as well as i could be". but then these random things happen and i'm brought back to the realization that i'm not alone and that my hard work is paying off.

but let's be honest. it's not always sunshine and rainbows in my world, though that's what it may seem. i was talking to one of my girls the other night and she informed me that she vicariously lives through me. what?!? why?!? i quickly informed her that no. i would honestly trade it in in a heartbeat for normal. for a healthy and loving marriage. for someone who is as real and honest as i am. for my best-friend to be there right along side me with everything, both the good and the bad. for someone that i could depend on no matter what. for someone else who is finally "in charge". (though the question still is in my brain...could the dominate kt really let someone else be in charge? hmmmm....tbd)

"don't get me wrong" i said. "i love my life. i know that i have it great and that we get to play and that i get to do things that most don't but it gets lonely at times. i look at friends who are married and who are honest about it and i long for that."

and then we talked about the good stuff that stays in the vault. LOL

now that was also after a day of listening to this or to "imogen heap" which are the songs that you should listen to when you are happily giddy and in love. not when you have been thinking about how much your life sucks cause you don't have your best-friend here to listen to it with. LOL!

anyway, no my life does not suck. it really is perfect for me. it is and the love life? it's only when i THINK-THINK about it or i see my friends cute hubbys or when i see my guy friends acting all in love. but it is what it is and forcing it will NEVER work and DWELLING on it won't get it here any faster. i am just sick of going out with guys that seem to always let me down! (again another question. do i have too high of expectations? possibly. again...tbd)

which is when another friend of mine just said it point blank.

"thank goodness for these tender mercies to help you make it through the garbage."

EXACTLY.

so that's the key. concentrating on the positives, not the negatives but don't forget. i am human! so cut me some slack to those who are thinking "waaaaa waaaaa waaaaa" :)

here's another positive. literally for the past 7 yrs, i have been fighting with every insurance company possible to allow me to have my own "standing frame" at my house. lol standing? what's that. but really and the thought of forking out $6000 kills me. i think that i'll rig something up myself but that never happens. anyway, tuesday afternoon, i got a phone call asking me for my address to deliver my standing frame.

"wait. what? what? WHAT?"

so yes. my medical equipment hooook up totally came through and it came!!!! it was so funny because i forget that my kids have never seen me stand up. i forget that their memories are not like mine. they were laughing so hard with excitement which made me giggle but the best thing was what carter said....

"mom. mom!?! you're really tall. so you weren't lying. you really did play. you really were a basketball player!?!"

"uhhhhhhh. YEAH! what? you think that i was lying this whole time?!?"

way too perfect. way too perfect carter, coming from you.

anyway. life goes on. i know that it will all work out. i'm lucky because it always does work out. i just forget sometimes, lol, and need to vent. i'm random and randomly great things happen for me. remember? tender mercies.....